How do I get on with my life after my divorce?

Well, it’s finally over. No more attorneys and decisions have been made. Now you have to make it work for your children and yourself. Now it is time to create a new beginning.

After a divorce you are essentially redefining and restructuring your parenting roles and duties that now exist in two separate households. Secondly, you have to redefine your personal life and get on with your new life. Your new challenges at this stage are managing separate households, connecting with your ex-spouse as co-parents and not partners, and developing new social ties as a single adult.

So how do you manage separate households?

The most important thing to realize and maybe the toughest to get over is that the old household can never exist again. No matter how hard you try to recreate it, the old household is gone. Instead of trying to make everything exactly the same put your efforts into making your new environment comfortable and pleasant. Maybe you never decorated your own place before and your taste as a single parent is much different than when you were with your spouse. Bring out your creativity. Make your home a place where you and your kids will want to be. Have some fun with your new home. Let the kids decorate their rooms. They will enjoy having something different from their old room. Make it a positive experience.

How do you reconnect as single parents rather than partners?

This is tough and probably one of the most difficult aspects of co-parenting is learning to be parents when you are no longer partners. No matter what form of custody you have, no matter what division of the kid’s time has been developed, you and your former partner need to define a shared and respectful role as parents. A couple of quick tips to make transitioning between homes more enjoyable: respect your ex-partner’s time and schedule. If you are going to be late, call and let them know. Do not comment on the other parent’s lifestyle or household. Don’t judge or criticize the other parent’s life or home. Children do not need to be caught in the middle of your opinions or power struggles. Realize that life does go on after a divorce and there is a high likelihood that there will be another companion entering your ex-partner’s life. Remember, you are always the parent to your child. No one replaces you as a parent, but do encourage good relationships with new people in your kid’s lives. Again, kids do not belong in the middle of adult emotions.

How do you develop new social ties for yourself?

Social isolation is not healthy following a divorce. A lot of parents throw themselves headfirst into parenting after a divorce and while that is a great thing, you need to develop a new support system for yourself to be a healthy parent. Push yourself to go out with friends and co-workers. Reconnect with old friends before you were married. Take up new activities; join a gym, a church, synagogue, join a support group or an organization. There are plenty of people out there waiting to connect with you and enjoy you as a friend. You have to put yourself out there.
If you need parenting classes or support, please come to parentingclassonline.net. We have parenting classes, co-parenting classes, divorce classes and even a class for your kids to take online. We also over a free online support forum for parents called parentsconnectingonline.ning.com. All parents are welcome.

Question: How do I choose a quality online parenting class?

That’s a tough one because there are so many parenting classes online that it is confusing to weed through all of them.

The first most important thing to look at is the qualifications of the instructor. If you are required to take a parenting class by the legal system (divorce, separation, child services etc.) they will definitely look at the qualifications of the instructor. The court systems want qualified therapists/counselors teaching parenting classes because they deal with family issues and they are bound by their professional license to produce a class where people learn positive skills of parenting. Courts will respect a certificate signed by a licensed therapist.

The second most important thing to look at is if they are really an accepted program. I have seen websites pop up overnight stating that they are nationally accepted. Ask them for proof of who has accepted their program. Just because they put up a website does not mean they are an accepted parenting class.

Find out if there is a phone number you can talk to a live person. If the class only lists a P.O. Box be careful choosing that program. A lot of therapists will use a P.O. Box for mailing correspondence, but they will also list a phone number for your questions.

Read the wording of their site. If it confuses you get out of there. There are differences between parenting, co-parenting and divorce classes. If you are reading conflicting messages on a website they may not know the difference themselves and you may waste your time taking the wrong class.

If you are looking for a quality parenting class online come to parentingclassonline.net and read through the programs. We are nationally accepted and the state of Florida has recognized our program of excellence statewide. We will work with you to select the appropriate program for you and see you through to the end.